Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Thirsting for a Word

Today I received an email from Wheaton College notifying me that they've chosen not to interview me for the position of Assistant Director of Campus Outreach. This, on the heels of an extremely long and drawn out candidation process for Christian Church of Clarendon Hills that resulted in God's preventing us from the job (rescuing us from a potential disaster) has left me with four reflections that are each filled with emotion.

First, there is FAITH. I am more aware of God's supernatural "behind-the-scenes" work in our lives and the lives of His children than ever before. He is not just a God of grand rescues from life-threatening situations. He is the God who nudges, whispers, enlightens, blinds, strengthens, weakens, compels, and hinders. So I feel full of faith and rejoicing that Aleta and I are not left to create something, but to follow the one and only Creator.

Second, there is PRAYER. I am struck by the recurrent and mounting exhortation in my spirit to pray and wait, pray and wait, pray and wait on God. The time He is calling me to is more dedicated, isolated, lengthy, focused, disciplined time than I have exercised before. He is calling me to worship Him, wait on Him, cry out to Him, consume His word and listen to Him with a seriousness and strength I've not had before. This is the big "next step" in this whole job-hunting process as well as the life journey He has me on.

Third, there is REGRET. I feel too old and too young all at the same time. I just turned 32 last Sunday (6/25) but feel I only have the integrity, wisdom, and character of a 22 year-old. I feel childish for my age; and it's not an issue of achievements... it's one of maturity. Proverbs 15:19 says, "The way of the lazy is as a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.” In many ways, I feel I’ve been lazy with my spirituality and have, therefore, made the “way” of my life one of thorns and obstacles. I want the highway; and I want the upright character that makes it a reality.

Finally, there is WEARINESS. I feel tired and, admittedly a bit discouraged, with this job search. I know it’s only been five months. I know we haven’t had to go without food. I even know that we have been blessed with two cars! Nevertheless, the feeling is real and, perhaps, it is the point of God having me wait… because “the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:3-4).

So I'm waiting, praying, meditating, and Thirsting For A Word from the God who wrote this story by the sixth day of creation (Heb 4:3-4).

1 comment:

ivy said...

Just A Sparrow

I'm just a sparrow. I know that God created humanity to be set apart and holy. to be different and chosen and images of Him. But often times i'd just love to be His sparrow. Created to sing and to soar. Loving and trusting Him without fail. Living to my full potential. Spreading my wings and never looking down. Sometimes humanity can't handle that. Sometimes that includes me.

And so in my life right now, I'm just on yet another current of the wind that He is using to direct me where i need to go during this season. He is my provider. i go where He provides "warmth and food". Where else would i rather be. I'm learning not to question the current, but to fly with it! Let Him lead me and enjoy it! Live it!

He changes me with the seasons of my soul: (a song that i hope to be heard at my funeral!)
"Every evening sky an invitation to trace the patterned stars. And early in July a celebration for freedom that is ours. I notice you in children's games. In those who watch them from the shade. Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder. You are summer.
Even when the trees have just surrendered to the Harvest time. Forfeiting their leaves in late september, sending us inside. still i notice you when change begins, and i am braced for colder winds. I will offer thanks fore what has been and whats to come.
You are Autumn.
Still i notice you when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass. Even now in death you open doors for life to enter. You are winter.
Now what was frozen through has bravely surfaced, teaching us to breath. And what was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green. So it is with you and how you make me new in every season's change. And so it will be as you are recreating me...summer, autumn, winter spring."

And a song He sings through me:

"If I were just a sparrow
I'd fly from the highest tree
i'd spread my wings and face the wind
let it carry me

i'd taste my maker's love in the way He lifts me up. I'd feel His joy, I'd feel His joy, and i'd sing.

Who knows freedom better than me
who trusts Jesus when there's only one seed
Every winter He provides for me
He's all i need, He's all i need

Just a Sparrow loved by God
Let me sing your song
In the windows of my brothers so they might hear of your love

Every feather on my wing is tended to, whether broken bruised or bare.
Father, let me show them why i know you're still there

every season."

Life is too short to only walk on land. Take courage, find joy, feel peace and take flight!