Without a doubt, I am simply a follower... every hour of every day.
And yet, as interim pastor of this tiny church down the road, I am also the "no. 1 guy" in terms of church leadership. These 50 people are looking to me to figure out where they need to go & take them there.
And even just a couple weeks into this, I am realizing all over again that I do not enjoy being the "no. 1 guy." God called me here & I will obey, trusting that He'll come through. But prayerfully & Lord-willing, I will never have to be "no. 1" again.
I love to help others succeed... even other leaders. That is where I am happiest. It's not that I don't like making decisions or taking responsibility... but it sure is lonely at the top. I know... I can hear some of you thinking already, "John, get a team to partner with you. Don't do this alone." And that's certainly in process already. Nevertheless, even with the best team leadership around, there always seems to be a no. 1 person.
I think I'd like to serve on the team of a primary leader without being the primary leader for my long-term ministry. I wonder if that's okay... Or, I wonder if I'm just looking for an easier job that doesn't demand as much incessant self-scrutiny, tireless prayer, & habitual self-discipline.