Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Father... I Depend...

Father God, I have no good besides You.

All my pursuits are mere shadows of substance apart from intimate relationship with You. Your Kingdom is wrought in the sovereign timelessness of Your intention. It is secure, unthreatened, perfect in its fullness. It is my joy to participate as a partner on Your team... but mostly, & perhaps only, because it is Your team, Lord. You are my captain; & that makes it all worthwhile.

What need have I suffered that was not created by Your hand? What passion or hunger have I felt that was not placed there by You? The falsehood of my sinfulness is antagonistic desire that feels like wanting but wages war against my soul. My true passions, my native urges, all flow from the Maker who satisfies them. You are the Need-Maker & the Need-Meeter! You are the architect of unified, interwoven, community. So all my flesh & mind & heart & spirit longs for you with desperation that is madness for the distance of sinfulness yet miraculous for the intimacy in redemption.

I cannot stand on my own legs, Father. You know this. You've seen the frailty of my form... both outward & inward. I am weaker than the task requires. My strength is in You. You are my strength... my only hope. I rest on You, Spirit of God. You are God. You are the planner & the power of my life. If I fall, is it not by Your allowance? If I rise, is it not by Your action? You discipline & prune me as You grow & make me to be fruitful. I resign myself to You. If I were to see You for who You really are, I would be shut up like Thomas Aquinas... unable to speak. You are too grand for me, Lord. I only cast myself into Your presence & throw my fate in Your hands.

Be gracious to me, O God. I sin greatly.

What life is there without Your breath? What joy is there without Your touch? What wisdom is there without Your light? What success is there without Your movement? I am a barren rock, blown smooth by the wind & sea... naked & exposed. What beauty is there without Your redeeming embrace? You are Life itself. The Christ, my only Way... my only Reality. Fall on me, Holy Spirit!

... Jesus ... Jesus . . . . . Jesus ...

Please, O God... hear the groanings of my heart & take me deeper than the moth-eaten trappings of this transparent worldview. The hole-ridden fabric of this culture of professional ministry can neither warm nor adorn what is the naked power of Your intent. Take me deeper, Father. As I forsake sinfulness & independence... please... take me deeper.


. . . s l o w . . .

I love You, Abba Father. Thank You for loving me so well. May my tears praise You.

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